Poisoned Love
by Zeeshka's Poison
Summary: My vision started to go black. I saw a beautiful angel in front of me. His bronze hair gently swaying in the water, brushing against his perfect golden eyes. He reached for me. This was the perfect way to go. Staring at him. His love poisoned me. Spreading inside me like a fatal disease. Killing me softly. Before finally bringing me here. I won against his poisoned love.


**Poisoned Love**

I slowly sat up in the unknown bed, still high as fuck.

I heard groan and saw a pretty blonde passed out on my right.

My head started to pound harder when I clambered out of the bed, looking for a short black dress I was wearing before everything went blurry.

A few tears slipped down my face as I carelessly threw on my dress and grabbed my matching high heels.

I bent down and kissed the blonde babe, waking her for a few seconds before she passed out on me again.

I left her a note, telling her to call me sometime if she wanted to have another good time.

I grabbed my black clutch and picked up an unopened bottle of beer on my way out, popping open the cap and taking a massive gulp as I stumbled towards the elevator.

I gave a forced laugh as I saw myself in the elevator mirror.

My hair looked like I had just gotten thoroughly fucked, my mascara was running down my face, and I still had a bit of white powder underneath my nose.

I quickly wiped it away and took out a tissue, trying my best to wipe away my ruined makeup.

I patted down my dull brown curls, all the while wondering why am I doing this?

I gave up on my hair and took another swing of the alcohol, sighing as I felt it burn my throat before making its way downwards.

I stepped off the metal box, hiccuping as I made my way out of the fine establishment.

I could see nothing but fancy people, standing around in the lobby, and every single one of them gave me disgusted, dirty looks.

I just grinned at them, too high to give a shit about them.

I shoved the front doors open and stumbled outside, breathing in the crisp morning air.

I lazily lifted my hand and let out a sharp whistle for a taxi.

Two of them screeched to a stop in front of me, so I chose the closet one to me and gave him the directions to my place.

I checked my purse to see how much money I had left.

Five hundred dollars. Enough to score again tonight.

Great.

I'll need to call my dealer, I thought as I tossed a couple bills to the taxi man, after he stopped in front of my crappy apartment, and stumbled out onto the sidewalk.

I quickly swallowed down the rest of my drink before carelessly tossing it behind me, walking towards the door, promptly ignoring the shattering sound of glass breaking and unlocked the door, stepping inside.

Home, sweet home.

I sighed as I looked around my messy apartment.

There were empty bottles of alcohol everywhere, random clothes were thrown around the place, the TV was broken due to one of my fits, the couch overturned, and leftover food lying on the coffee table and floor.

Home sweet home.

I stepped over the couch heading towards my room, swearing loudly when I stepped on a broken piece of glass as well.

I shook off my black dress and let go of my heels, turning on the shower and stepping inside.

I let the cold water run down my back as the crushing feeling of pain started to overwhelm me.

Why did he leave?

Was I not pretty enough?

Too much trouble?

Not smart enough?

What did I do that caused Edward to leave me?

Was it something I said?

He's been gone for four years.

But it still hurts.

That hole was still here, it was still inside me, slowly consuming me from the inside out and I did nothing but wait for it to finally kill me off.

But then I discovered cocaine.

It helped, it made me forget for a few blissful hours as it ran through my system, killing me off quicker.

But what could I do about it?

The white powder made me forget... and that is all I want.

To forget him.

To forget everything.

I collapsed on the floor of the shower as my legs could no longer keep me up.

The water rushed around me, disguising my tears so I could trick myself into believing I wasn't still crying over him.

But I was.

I was still crying over him.

My pain didn't go away... if anything it became stronger over time.

The only way I could function was through drugs, alcohol, and sex.

Someone glinted in the dim light making me look up... only to see my razor staring back at me.

I reached up and grasped the handle bringing it down to me.

I'm not okay.

I won't ever be okay.

I brought the razor to my pale wrist and with one swift motion, the red water started to drip down my arm.

I'm not fine.

I won't ever be fine.

I brought down the razor down again on my other wrist.

I watched the water turn pink with my dead eyes.

My dead brown eyes.

The one's Edward used to love so much.

I let my head fall back against the shower floor, ignoring the stinging pain that emanated from the back of my skull.

I could faintly hear a knocking at my door.

I bet my life that it's the landlord, demanding I pay my over due bills or he's gonna kick me out.

Let him.

I looked down when I saw the water turn a burgundy red, instead of the light pink I loved so much.

I had to fix myself.

But I didn't know how... and I didn't want to know how.

It's not like any cares about me.

Charlie's dead.

Renee's dead.

Jacob's dead.

Edward left me and took his family with him.

I had no one to pull me out of this hole I had dug for myself.

I was all alone.

I felt the tears rush down my face.

My high started to wear off and everything came rushing back to me.

The pain I felt when Charlie, Renee and Jacob left me.

No!

Stop thinking about it!

Forget!

You need to forget Bella!

It's the only way!

I needed my cocaine.

I got up and stumbled out of the still running shower and made my way into my room, towards my closet where I kept my emergency stash of drugs.

I desperately clawed at the box on the highest shelf watching as it came tumbling down and landed on the floor next to my feet, the contents spilling out.

I snatched one of the many white bags and ripped it open and let the white powder fall to the floor.

I quickly made a line before using my index finger to close one nostril and inhaled my life line.

I sighed when I started to become numb again.

The pain slowly faded away into nothing as the drug took effect, letting me escape my hell for another few blissful hours.

I reached up and wiped the remaining powder off my nose.

I stood on shaky legs and grabbed a short blue dress out from my closet, along with some blue converse.

I threw on my clothes and went back to the bathroom, wrapping some gauze around my damaged wrists.

I slapped on a bit of makeup to hide the dark circles underneath my eyes, and made myself look presentable.

I reached over and turned off the shower before grabbing my black clutch and walked out of my apartment door.

I hailed a cab, giving him directions to the nearest club and sat back and relaxed, determined to enjoy my high for as long as possible.

This was my sad little life, oh well.

I threw some bills at the cabbie and climbed out as he pulled up to the club.

I didn't bother waiting line, instead I want right up to the bouncer and flashed him my tits.

All the guys in line started giving my catcalls, and the bitches gave me envious looks as the bouncer just let me in after I slipped him a hundred dollar bill.

The pounding beat entered my eardrums as I stepped inside.

Fuck yeah.

I shamelessly started grinding myself onto this hot red headed chick as the music pounded around us, gasping for breath as she licked a long line from the base of my neck all the way to my ear.

I softly bit down on her shoulder, loving the feel of her rubbing against me.

I grabbed her thick curls and tilted her head back, giving me access to her luscious red lips before leaning down kissing her hard.

Our tongues battled for dominance as our bodies continued to sway and grind to the beat of the bass, ignoring everything else as we devoured each other.

She broke away for air and I started to kiss and suck her creamy neck, smirking when she gasped.

She stiffened the closer I got to her ears so that's where I went next.

I licked the shell of her ear and the cries the came out of her mouth were heaven.

After a few minutes of our foreplay she get tired of waiting and forcibly dragged me out of the club through the back door.

She slammed my body against the brick wall and smashed her lips to mine, groaning into my mouth as she reached behind me and undid the zipper on my dress.

To return the favor I roughly pulled her blue dress over her head. I smirked, this was going to be so much fun.

I stumbled back into the club once I was done with her, bumping into a few people on my way to the dance floor, looking for someone else to fuck.

I had already been satisfied by the red headed bitch and I was only looking for someone to bang to pass the time.

I did not want to go back to my apartment by myself.

My gaze locked with some blond haired guy, standing off to the side.

Perfect.

I sauntered up to him and without warning smashed by lips against his, roughly shoving my pelvis up to his.

As we were grinding against each other I could feel his need for me become apparent.

We made out for a while before I started tugging him to the exit, my intentions made clear to him.

He smirked and let me drag him outside before whistling for a taxi, moaning as mystery man kissed me.

We climbed into the backseat of the yellow cab and immediately started making out again, our mouths seemingly welded together by our pink skin.

The taxi driver made and annoyed sound but drove on anyway as we continued on with our activities.

I gasped in pleasure as he bit my neck, tilting my head back to give him more access, roughly bucking my hips towards his, striking when I heard his moan.

I don't know what went wrong.

One minute me and mystery man were enjoying each other and the next I could hear and awful tire screeching sound and suddenly to car was upside down and glass shattered everywhere.

I could hear screams of mass panic.

They sounded so familiar to me and I was reminded of the time when Edward saved me from Tyler's van.

I could hear the crunch of metal and looked up to see these golden pools of light staring back at me, making me feel so safe.

I could still remember his furious gaze and rude attitude as we rounded the corner of the hospital hallway.

He was furious that I was demanding answers from him and denied everything.

But I wasn't stupid, I knew what I saw... I wished I had let it go.

But no.

"_I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed. Don't worry. You're human – your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."_

Time heals all wounds he said.

But I was living proof that it doesn't.

It only gets worse, and pretty soon you'll be snorting cocaine, drinking alcohol until you throw up, and banging anything that moves.

I wondered what Edward would say if he could see me now.

I could hear sirens in the distance.

How lovely.

I turned my head and cried out as sharp needles stabbed the base of my neck.

My eyes widened when I saw my mystery man lying beside me, dead, his deep blue eyes just as dead looking as mine.

I looked towards the driver only to see a mangled body crushed by the interior of the car.

I... I was the only survivor... and I didn't even care.

They strapped me to a gurney and wheeled me into the ambulance.

I watched in amusement as they tried to save my life, wrapping a bandage around my stomach to stop it from bleeding out, and connecting an IV drip to me.

I almost started laughing when one of the paramedics started talking to me, telling me I was safe and that they would take care of me.

Almost.

I couldn't be bothered to correct him, so I closed my eyes and smiled as the sharp pains stabbed all over my body, giving me my sweet relief, letting me escape reality and focus on nothing but the bliss of agony.

After a while my bliss ended as I felt the car come to a stop, signaling to me that we had reached the hospital.

Pity.

I had hoped to have died before then.

Chatter and noise filled my bleeding ears as they wheeled me down the brightly lit hallway.

There were so many nurses and doctors surrounding me, trying to asses the amount of damage that the yellow car had inflicted upon me.

I sighed as they strapped an oxygen mask to my face.

At first it was amusing me but now it was just annoying me to oblivion and back.

After sucking in the chemicals from the mask, I started to lose focus as I was lifted off the gurney and onto the operating table.

I felt like someone was shoving cotton in my ears as I could no longer hear the loud chatter of the doctors.

My grasp on reality was slipping and I didn't mind.

As the darkness started to consume me, I absentmindedly wondered who my mystery guy was.

Did he have any family?

Was he committing adultery with me?

I wondered what his name was.

Harold?

Nick?

Leo?

Matt?

Dan?

James?

I shuddered at that thought.

I still remembered feeling his teeth rip through my flesh and that was something I would happily never think of again.

I wondered who the cab driver was?

I surprised myself by not caring about it.

They were dead... lucky.

Would their families, if they had any, blame me for causing their deaths?

The old Bella would cry at that thought, thinking it was all her fault they were dead, but I knew better.

I knew it wasn't my fault that they other car had slammed into us.

I knew I wasn't to blame.

I was just trying to alleviate the boredom by getting laid and some asshole slammed into us.

I was innocent.

Well, when I say innocent, I mean the part about the accident.

I was most definitely not innocent of drug abuse and violence.

I know there was something wrong with me.

I don't care.

I haven't cared about anything because it wasn't worth caring about.

I was emotionally, mentally, and physically unstable.

Sighing in annoyance when I heard a constant beeping sound, I lifted up my heavy lids to see I had sadly survived my little ordeal with the yellow cab.

I was alone in my temporary hospital room, laying on an uncomfortable lumpy mattress... it was still better than the shitty one that still resided in my apartment.

I wondered if the landlord had thrown out my stuff?

Knowing him, yes he had.

Looks like I was going to be homeless again... awesome.

I'll have to suck someone off if I want a place to live for a while.

I scoffed, and Rosalie had the nerve to bitch and moan at me for having a perfect life while she lived through hell, day in and day out.

What a little bitch.

She didn't know suffering like I have.

Sure she was raped that one night over 7 decades ago, get over it!

I absentmindedly wondered if the hospital staff was going to throw me out once they realized I was broke and homeless and couldn't afford medical care.

They probably would.

I sighed, sitting up in the bed before roughly ripping out the needles in my arms.

Wincing when my back gave an unhealthy crack as I stood up, I walked out of the room.

I walked out of the door and no one noticed.

Did I expect them to?

I didn't have anywhere to go... so I just kept walking.

Miles slowly ticked past as I walked through the town.

A few people gave me funny looks, but ultimately decided to ignore me.

The tears started falling down my face as I past a park filled with laughing children.

I could remember being happy when I was younger.

When I hadn't met Edward yet.

I looked past the children to see an elderly couple sitting on a bench watching the children play with soft smiles on their face.

He turned towards his wife and raised her hand to meet his lips.

I eyed therm with envy.

Anyone could see the love in their eyes.

I held back a sob as the woman stood up, pulling her husband with her, only to wrap her arms around his neck and slowly started to dance.

I gave up and started crying when he wrapped his arms around her fragile waist and pulled her closer to him, laying his head on the top of hers.

That was supposed to be me.

I was supposed to have a happy ending with the one I loved.

I couldn't bare to watch them anymore.

My legs started running, away from them, away from the laughter, away from the sadness.

But that was the thing.

I couldn't outrun my pain.

I saw a bridge up ahead.

My legs carried my tired body over there.

There was no one around.

I looked over the black bars to see a very fast paced river staring me in the face.

Is this what I was supposed to do?

End it?

I will.

If that what it takes.

Looking around to make sure no one was in sight so they couldn't stop me, I heaved myself over the railing, landing on the thin strip on the other side.

I gave a hard swallow as I saw the water rush past.

It looked very fast.

Hopefully it will be over very fast.

I closed my eyes and imagined his voice.

"Bella!"

I smiled.

There it was.

"Bella! Don't do this!"

I frowned.

"Bella please! I still love you!"

I opened my eyes, my high gone from hearing his sweet musical voice.

I readied myself to jump.

"Bella!"

I physically jerked when I heard his voice sound so close.

The pounding footsteps alerted me I wasn't alone.

I looked up only to see Edward standing before me a few yards away in tattered clothing, looking like the devil had had a go at him.

"Bella,"

He breathed my name.

He raised his hand to me.

"Come away from the edge love,"

Hope filled me to the brim.

Did he want me back?

But I thought I was done with him.

My heart screamed at me to rush towards him.

My head told me to jump.

But how could I leave Edward again.

I looked behind him to see Alice standing a few yards behind him with Carlisle at her side.

Oh.

I get it now.

Devastation filled me up, harshly crushing the hope.

Alice saw it and told him.

He just didn't want to feel guilty or responsible for my death.

I glared at him before looking down at the river.

I had a choice to make.

Either I went with Edward and let him tear me down some more.

Or I end it.

I raised my right foot in the air.

"Bella! Don't you dare!"

Edward warned me before rushing towards.

Ah.

I had my answer.

I gave him a bright smile.

Before leaping off in one go.

"Bella!"

The freezing water covered me as I broke through the surface and floated down, towards the very bottom of the river.

I opened my mouth willingly and let the water pour into my lungs.

My chest started convulsing as it struggled to eject the water while I calmly floated down the river, not minding the rocks that bashed against me.

My vision started to go black.

I saw a beautiful angel in front of me.

His bronze hair gently swaying in the water, brushing against his perfect golden eyes.

He reached for me.

"Bella,"

His perfect lips mouthed as his hand stretched towards me.

This was the perfect way to go.

Staring at him.

I smiled at him.

I kept my eyes open for as long as I could, determined to memorize his perfect face again and again.

Until I couldn't anymore.

My eyes drifted shut, a smile still firmly on my face.

I felt his hands cradle my face before nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

All I felt was peace.

Thank you Edward.

He caused me unbearable pain in the past and made me do a lot of things I wasn't proud of.

But in the end, he fixed me.

His love poisoned me.

Spreading inside me like a fatal disease.

Killing me softly.

Before finally bringing me here.

A place where nothing mattered.

A place just meant for me.

I won against his poisoned love.


End file.
